Begining of Chaos
- بادئ الموضوع Pesmerga
- تاريخ البدء
Pesmerga
The Knight of Darkness
I could still hear the echoes in my mind
Voices that spoke of refusal and denial
My response to them was the complete opposite of kind
Because I knew that my reasons were not given a fair trial
I was haunted by the whispers in my head
My mind racing with thoughts of my case
But that could not force a tear to be shed
Never have I cried since I followed this trace
I found my self in my realm once again
My body not yet possessed by what I felt
Leaving me only with the question "When? When? When?"
The damage was done and the pain was dealt
My anger burned and my grief stormed, engulfing my spirit completely
Leaving only one thought for my attention
The thought of an emperor who ruled his empire justly
When all was lost, he left nothing to mention
I smiled and tried to remember his name
But instead I recalled that no one did
After what he has done nothing was ever the same
Leaving no empire and no name, everything was left unsaid
My realm will be in that image
I will leave nothing but empty space
I will leave nothing for carnage
I will search in my cards for the ace
I was stared upon with disbelief
My guest shocked and filled with fear
To her I appeared a mad man that would give her no relief
But to me nothing was clear
Voices that spoke of refusal and denial
My response to them was the complete opposite of kind
Because I knew that my reasons were not given a fair trial
I was haunted by the whispers in my head
My mind racing with thoughts of my case
But that could not force a tear to be shed
Never have I cried since I followed this trace
I found my self in my realm once again
My body not yet possessed by what I felt
Leaving me only with the question "When? When? When?"
The damage was done and the pain was dealt
My anger burned and my grief stormed, engulfing my spirit completely
Leaving only one thought for my attention
The thought of an emperor who ruled his empire justly
When all was lost, he left nothing to mention
I smiled and tried to remember his name
But instead I recalled that no one did
After what he has done nothing was ever the same
Leaving no empire and no name, everything was left unsaid
My realm will be in that image
I will leave nothing but empty space
I will leave nothing for carnage
I will search in my cards for the ace
I was stared upon with disbelief
My guest shocked and filled with fear
To her I appeared a mad man that would give her no relief
But to me nothing was clear
BeoWulf
Well-Known Member
I wanted to leave a detailed response to what i found very intriguing to read in this work. but eventually i knew that it wasn't enough an i would need to say it out loud the next time we talked. But heres the overview of what i saw during reading
- You have a great grasp on imagery and creating a detailed world a reader can easily attune into.
You use the right amount of formal and informal vocab which adds to the humanity of the piece and the character
I found the parameters of the words and the unity and coherence a bit sketchy at times due to the focus on context, all in all very acceptable due to the enthusiasm you made up for it in story telling.
And lastly the tone and atmosphere you infused with your choice of words were accurate and concise, at times maybe a bit unstable but thats why i think you need to focus on the writing aspect which you have fluidity in and not torture yourself into making every line rhyme with itself.
Keep it up man, you really made me feel a deep and intuitive approach to the decline into madness. ~_^
But because for some reason you made zappa horny am forced to not enjoy and critique the work fully this time. -_-
- You have a great grasp on imagery and creating a detailed world a reader can easily attune into.
You use the right amount of formal and informal vocab which adds to the humanity of the piece and the character
I found the parameters of the words and the unity and coherence a bit sketchy at times due to the focus on context, all in all very acceptable due to the enthusiasm you made up for it in story telling.
And lastly the tone and atmosphere you infused with your choice of words were accurate and concise, at times maybe a bit unstable but thats why i think you need to focus on the writing aspect which you have fluidity in and not torture yourself into making every line rhyme with itself.
Keep it up man, you really made me feel a deep and intuitive approach to the decline into madness. ~_^
But because for some reason you made zappa horny am forced to not enjoy and critique the work fully this time. -_-